I don’t know how to start…after all, I’m penning down an emotion within the cramped infiniteness of a moment. I deduce it is a lot like love from what I’ve read about it, but in the widest, largest sense of its meaning. It’s not a person, neither is it felt towards a specific thing. That heavy feeling in my thoracic cavity, that slight tingling…I’ve read about it, apparently that’s how love feels. I can’t get the grin off my face, even if it’s Panic! At The Disco playing. No Ed Sheeran there.
…penning down an emotion within the cramped infiniteness of a moment
Oh it happens, you wave it off dismissively…A windy night tends to bring back memories, some love. As the wind catches your curls, you tend to remember…Ah! But there lies the catch. It didn’t bring ‘back’ anything, there was no past involved, no memory.
You try to box the feeling, attach a tag, attach a name to it. Sometimes you give it your crush’s name, but it never stays. It simply fades away, and you don’t even notice.
…there was no past involved, no memory.
They eventually find their way, all of them grinning like me. My friends, acquaintances, those people who give me a passing smile…Those I never imagined I would even remember, set aside miss. But I do. I do remember them, but not with sadness.I know I’ll never see them again, but there is no sadness in this remembrance. This weight in my chest…it’s not sadness. It feels heavy, but I’m soaring. This big balloon swells inside me, but my feet remain cemented to the ground.
…I made mistakes…I will make them, but it’s okay.
For the first time,in the hours I spend alone with my thoughts for company, I don’t feel regret or guilt or uncertainty. I know I made mistakes, but it’s done. I know I will make them, but it’s okay. Tomorrow might turn out to be a tearful day with no friends, but right now I’m my best companion. Because right now, I’m happy… so satisfied.